DSK’s First Night at Rikers

Oh the little arrogant French jerk, Dominique Strauss Kahn, is experiencing one the greatest falls from grace in the history  of mankind.

DSK in better times with his buddy Ben Ali, wanted Tunisian former Dictator

However our glorious press does not go into any details about his incarceration.

The King, thru his confidential sources, files this report:

Once DSK was arraigned and denied bail, his status immediately changed.  Now he is just another loser waiting for trial.  After he appeared before the judge, he was taken to a holding tank with about 20 other poor souls.  He was then shackeled hand and foot and put on a bus and then a ferry to Rikers Island.

DSK's New Home and New Buddies

Upon arrival he was herded into the reception area.  He had to strip down naked with about 50 other men.  Forced to bend over and show his orifice to the officers who examined it closely for contraband.

Quick Question to DSK:  As you were bent over with your anal opening displayed to the sneering guard, what were you thinking?  When they demanded that you lift up your nutsack (no heavy lifting there), were you contemplating your mighty fall from grace?

The King has learned from his confidential sources that the other inmates were viciously teasing DSK about his unusually small penis which caused DSK to work himself into a Gaelic Frenzy and needed to be sedated.

After he calmed down, he was placed in a communal shower area and instructed to wash himself real good.  Then he was lined up with his fellow inmates and sprayed with a noxious chemical that kills lice and bedbugs.

DSK's New Bitch

Finally he was issued his new outfit….a bright orange polyester jump suit….not quite the same feel of a $10,000 handmade Italian suite, but he will get used to it.

Since he wouldn’t last 15 minutes in general population, he was then escorted to his new home.

Not Quite the Soffit

NOISE

He may be expecting to live in harsh conditions but nothing will prepare him for the noise.  24 hours a day one can hear cell doors slamming, people screaming, inmates crying out for their momas, gang bangers banging each other…..total chaos. The noise has driven strong men insane.

He is in State custody and his case will remain a State of New York case and if he goes to prison it will be a NY State prison, some of the harshest and most dangerous prisons in the world.

Wheel of Karma

It finally caught up with him.  Even if he gets bail on Friday, May 20th, he will have spent 5 days in the bowels of hell.  An experience that he will remember for the rest of his life!

It actually amazes the King that he was denied bail….usually these rich, powerful people are not put in jail….for once the system seems to be working, in of itself a miracle.

Of course there is always the possibility that he is innocent.  In America, thanks to our vast supply of Lesbiatic Predatory Prosecutors, any woman who claims a man raped her is immediately believed without any evidence, just on word alone.  Even if she is a skank ho, as in the case of the LaCrosse players.

Good Luck DSK, you can look forward to years of litigation and a very likely prison sentence….although certainly not the 25 years that the breathless media is proclaiming.

The King predicts, that if he is convicted, he will do 18 months, for an arrogant jerk like him that might as well be 25 years!

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4 Responses to DSK’s First Night at Rikers

  1. Steven Manning says:

    A $3000 per night hotel? For another few hundred he could have gotten a quality Hooker. Oh well, a typical Frenchman; He saw that maids uniform and went bonkers.

  2. Name says:

    Oh please, a ferry?? What ferry? You probably just took Joe Halderman’s article over at the Daily Beast and added your own embellishments.

    • kingofirony says:

      Mr. Example. He went to Rikers Island now that I have read the excellent article you linked to….I stand corrected. I understand now that most of the supplies goes over on a Prison Ferry….he actually arrived on a bus.

      I swear I didn’t plagarize Joe Haldermans article….his is much more complete…mine is mostly made up.

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